I meant to write a lovely post right as my sweet babes turned one, but I put it off, and life got busy! Next thing I know, here we are at 18 months, and it’s time to recognize another milestone.
Getting through the first year as a Mom is rough. Not that I’m in anyway regretting any part of motherhood, it’s just that going from myself (as an individual adult female) to carrying, and being a vessel of growth for my boy/girl twins, to being a twin mom, and a first time mom all at once, was a lot. So much once! From physical changes, to identity transitions, to being deliriously sleep deprived & not knowing if it was day or night, to sleep training and actually getting some time to myself. Wow, what a year!
There’s the adjustment after pregnancy, taking care of two babies, and almost literally being a single entity with your newly born kiddos. There is much during that first year, with building supply up, frequent feedings, and extended fatigue from the multitude of late night feedings. In addition to being the main caretaker for your infants, you experience an extreme drop in hormones, have to adjust to the role of being a Mom (or Dad), and have to deal with an unbelievable amount of changes to your body. Not that I don’t count my blessings as a mother, but this is a truckload of stuff that comes to you all at once. It’s tough to transition while completely sleep deprived, hoping that you’re doing the right things.
Caring for Twins is no easy feat either, even harder if you decide to pursue breastfeeding. No judgement for those that don’t breastfeed. That alone is a whole other thing. At the end of the day, fed is best. No mother should ever think any less of themselves for not breastfeeding. Not every women has success with this for a multitude of very good reasons.
Caleb & Chloe, as you grew and progressed to moving around more on your own, and entered toddlerhood, I entered a different stage of my own as your Mom. You were on the path to breaking away from the single entity I saw us as initially, and getting more in alignment with being your own individual self. It’s really something to watch; so amazing and beautiful 😍 how babies/people grow and progress through some major cycles of human development, such as:)
• Growth spirts,
• changes in appetite,
• adjusting sleep patterns,
• changing nutrition,
• physical growth,
•speech and communication growth
• emoting – as toddlers do – without the use of the more advanced neurological function of our prefrontal cortex, especially when it comes to social behaviors, aka toddlers having tantrums around people.
I am so proud and happy to be your Mommy. I am thankful everyday we all are healthy and well. What an amazing journey this has been to 18 months of life for you! I was so emotional, sentimental, excited, and thrilled for your first birthday. It was so big for not only you, but me as well. I had made it to a year of motherhood, and twin motherhood at that. It’s a role that I have been surprised by, tired for, excited for, & overjoyed for. I have also felt so much love, pure exhaustion, physical pain , mental anguish, pure joy, & love Love LOVE.
That ⬆️ love had to be said 3 times at minimum because that is how big the love is and needs to be for all the work it takes to be a mom. Putting aside yourself (to a point), putting aside your comfort (but not sacrificing yourself like a martyr), and really learning the pure contentment you can feel from feeling like you are giving someone else the best version of yourself. Actually, to really provide the best version of yourself, self-care is mandatory, so in essence “sacrificing yourself like a martyr” is really sort of self sabotaging and a defeating act. No one can function their best, and be the best parent they can be when they don’t get a break to refresh their spirit. That part is mandatory so that a person can fill from an full, not empty, cup.
I wrote a letter to my toddlers and want very much to share this with you all. To be it embodies many of the emotions felt as a Mom and parent when transitioning to toddlerhood, especially as a first timer. The following is the letter below…
An open letter to my young toddlers,
Caleb & Chloe, as your Mother, as the mother of two toddlers, I am working on myself to support you emotionally in the way that you, as toddlers, require. I’m working to understand and spread awareness that you easily get upset and may have a tantrum because you haven’t developed the emotional capacity to regulate how you feel. You’re not a rude or disobedient kid because you don’t want to say “hello” or “bye” to someone. As your mother, I need to honor that you might not be ready to do so, and give you room to grow into this in your own time. You aren’t responsible for how I, or any other adult feels. You aren’t here to entertain me or anyone with ‘that cute thing you did yesterday’ if you aren’t really to repeat it. As your mother, I hope to protect you from feeling any unnecessary responsibility for toxic people pleasing. As you are my first babies, I am learning too. However, I’m doing my homework to learn how to be the best Mother and advocate for you and hope to help you grow healthy emotional releases and to acknowledge the struggle of being a toddler. Having said that, I also need to practice this same grace with myself. How can you learn self-compassion if I don’t practice it with myself? I promise to strive to fill up my self-care cup; in proper balance with meeting your needs as well. We will both have good days and bad days!! Hopefully through love and striving to understand, we can grow at a healthy pace together!! I love you both so much, and am so proud of you both.
Love,
Mom
I have been taking a personal break from too much social media posting to focus on the real things in my life. It has been a nice break, and has allowed me to be more present in everyday life. I do, however, miss interacting with all of you! So I’m easing myself back into the sport of more regular posts.
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@TwinMomDiana 