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Some of you have asked for my registry items in the past. As my babies were born just over a year ago, the registry isnât around anymore. However, I have seen some items stand the test of time and continue to show up in baby registries for friends/family.
My One of my favorite stroller brands is Peg-PĂŠrego. These items are high quality, made in Italy items. I have the âBook for Twoâ, which isnât made anymore. I love it though. Itâs a side-by-side double stroller with full canopy, mesh lining appears in the back when you recline the seat so the baby can benefit from a breeze on hot summer days. It handles like a dream and fits through most doorways. Lucky for me, I havenât yet met a doorway it doesnât fit through! Itâs also easy to fold up and put in the car. Enough about that, letâs get to the list of top baby registry essentials!
Top Baby Registry Essentials
1. Ergo baby carrier – after trial and error, this is the brand I wish I wouldâve gotten
2. Baby wrap carrier
3. Bumpo – multi seat (>3mo) can use this for some years into toddlerhood.
4. Fischer price sit me up (start when good neck control is present)
Sit me up chair
5. Bjorn baby bouncer – a life saver!
Baby Bjorne bouncer seat Baby Bjorn Bouncer Seat
6. High chair
7. Infant car seat -got Chicco
8. Convertible car seat – got Graceo (this is for when they outgrow the infant seat.
9. Stroller – we got Peg Perego, lots of people swear by BOB strollers. There are so many other good options too!
10. Portable crib – got Halo
11. Halo sleep sacks
12. Bottle drying rack – Boon, we got the double drying rack because twins.
14. Tummy time water mat, tummy time activity mat- we liked the tummy time water mat & the Caterpillar tummy time pillow by Infantino the âprop-a-pillarâ
Infantino Prop-A-Pillar for tummy time & seated support
13. Baby activity mat
15. Jumperoo – we got fischer price rainforest & skip hop explore & more
16. Bath – we liked the fischer price 4-in-1 sling n seat tub until the babies could sit up &/or angel care bath support.
17. Baby towels – hooded, & soft washcloths
18. Bath rinse cup – skip hop Moby bath rinse cup
19. Baby bath seat w suction cups on bottom (we used after 6mo), esp for for twins!
20. Baby nail clippers or just use nail files
21. Nose Frida (nasal suction) the best!
22. Saline nasal spray
23. Oogie Bear -nasal & ear cleaner
24. Childrenâs Tylenol
25. Vit d drops (need if breastfeeding)- we use BioGaia with probiotics too – can get on Amazon
26. Thermometers- we use Braun digital
27. Diaper genie- playtex – the plastic ones are easier to clean. The metal ones retain the smell despite cleaning. đ¤˘
28. Cream for butts- Aquaphor & A&D are my favs and burts bees ointment is a close second
29. Changing Pad – recommend tushie pads
30. Burp clothes, bibs (get absorbent to save on outfit changes) , onesies, baby socks
31. Boppy – we had the newborn lounger
Newborn Boppy Lounger
32. Bassinet – we like halo
33. Crib – recommend a convertible crib so it can transition to toddler bed etc…
36. Nursing chair -get a comfy one! Most people get a glider or rocking chair. with twins, however, you canât tandem feed both babes, so some will use a lazy boy, I used a large over stuffed living room chair.
37. Humidifier (for winter in cold climates). Scratch that, after discussing with an Allergist, and my child having issues with allergies and reactive airway disease, these are not a good idea. They said itâs impossible to clean out all the mold from these devices and they donât recommend them.
43. Best sippy cup – munchkin 360 (it doesnât leak!!)
For Breastfeeding Mother
1. Haakaa
2. Lansinosh breastmilk storage bags
3. Pumping bra- for hands free
4. Shirts for breastfeeding – Motherhood had the best tops that were dual maternity and easy to breastfeed in tops. The material is light, and the sides are subtly rutched for prenatal wear.
5. Nursing tank tops
6. My brestfriend nursing pillow
7. Medela soothing gel pads (these saved me in the beginning)
8. Lanolin nipple cream – very healing for broken skin
*if you get mastitis, contact me! Iâve had it 4 times and have tips…
Items for Twins
1. My brestfriend – twin pillow or XL
2. Twin Z pillow – for breastfeeding & it can double as a tummy time pillow
3. Backpack diaper bag to free up your hands
4. Recliner or other large for breastfeeding or bottle feeding. Gliders/ rocking chairs wonât fit both babies
5. Double stroller
6. 2 car seats
7. 2 bumpos
8. 2 baby swings
9. 2 baby bouncer – bjorn is the best
10. Need 2 separate cribs at all times (safety reasons)
11. 2 crib mattresses
12. Diaper pail- we got 2, some people just use one, we didnât want it to constantly be full
13. We used a double bassinet -halo bassinest
Twin Halo Bassinest
14. Double electric breast pump
15. Phone App or notebook to record diapers in beginning
16. Dry erase markers for bottles (to mark them so you remember who drank what)
17. Baby breeza – for formula dispensing
18. Baby breeza bottle sterilizer
19. Universal double stroller frame (to snap in infant car seats) good for going to doctor or anywhere when babes are young
20. For bassinet for Twins- we used the halo twin bassinest. We got ours used on fb market place for half the price!
Baby essentials for the Beach
1. Fischer price on the go dome (0-5mo). Was amazing for the beach! Like it was made for this! See pic below. You can lift up the dome handles, and baby will be in shade and protected from bugs.
This is a picture of the cover up. As you can see itâs part mesh so itâs breezy and the other half is solid to protect from the sun. With the toys above, itâs the perfect place for a baby in a beach setting.
2. Rechargeable stroller fan – my fav is from Amazon
These rechargeable stroller fans from Amazon are amaze.
3. Baby sun hat
My son wearing his sun hat âď¸
4. Baby sunblock if > 6 mo (go for one sans chemicals)
5. Baby bug spray (go for natural, plant based)
6. Summer infant pop & sit booster chair (usually fits them until age 4)
7. Beach pop up tent/ sun shelter many on Amazon – search âbeach tentâ
8. Flat sheet for beach or sand free blanket. Thereâs also a hack some infant parents use with a fitted sheet âŹď¸ we didnât do it, but many people love it.
9. Beach toys – whatever is age appropriate and will be okay in the sand/water. Maybe buckets and small shovel type things.
10. Towel
11. Swim suit, rash guard, water socks/shoes
11. Rash guard top, long sleeve, esp if <6mo and canât wear sunblock. My babes are almost 15 months and we still use use long sleeve rash guards.
12. Light cotton blanket. Nice to hold them and use as an in between barrier so you and baby arenât sweating all over each other.
12. Beach umbrella or pop up tent/canopy so you and the crew are in the shade
13. Water socks so the sand doesnât burn their little feet! If you need protection in a snap because you donât have water socks, just use regular socks. #beachhack
Essentials for travel
1. Diaper bag
2. Portable crib- halo
3. Portable crib sheets
4. Portable changing pad
5. Portable White noise machine
6. Food containers- for snacks or baby formula to dump in bottles
7. Dog poop bags w key chain dispenser (we like the eco friendly ones) for dirty diapers!! So useful when at a guests house. You donât want to leave a stinky trail behind you!!
8. Baby toy straps so you arenât constantly picking up toys off the ground – get silicone ones. My kids love the silicone straps by themselves!
9. Baby car mirror – for road trips
10. Travel bottle sterilizing bags for microwave – I bought these on amazon
11. Portable mini cooler for foods and bottles. Make sure to bring reusable ice packs if You will be able to refreeze. Lots of hotels have a freezer part in mini fridge.
12. Bring a stroller
13. My husband and I like to use the strap on baby carriers for those in between stroller times
14. bring a couple outfits per day. The light onesies are so nice in hot weather. You can put each days outfits in a zip lock freezer bag and just grab a bag for each babe in the morning. I made separate bags for my son & daughter. Made packing so much easier, and I also compressed the air out of the bags so the clothes took up less room.
15. Pacifiers – we use wubanub
16. Boppy – nice to have if youâve got the room
17. Bottle cleaning brushes and a small travel dish soap (esp if staying in a hotel).
18. Consider bringing less clothes if you have access to washer and dryer. Some hotels also offer a laundry service that will wash items & return. Check with hotel beforehand for cost and turn around time. Can be on the pricy side $$
19. We bought a travel umbrella double stroller for our trip. We were lucky enough to get one for a good price on fb marketplace. We didnât want to ruin our expensive stroller from travel. See whatâs out there and weigh pros and cons to see whatâs best for you.
We bought this collapsible umbrella stroller by Kinderwagon for travel. It has a hood that can attach on too. It has served us well!!
20. Bring enough diapers, wipes and formula to last at least until to make it to wherever you are staying. Packing a few extra diapers and onesies for unexpected delays/situations are a smart choice in my book. Never know when you might have a blow out diaper or major spit up.
21. For car travel, especially, stop when you need to feed the babes. Esp when everyone on board is getting cranky lol.
For Plane Travel
⢠itâs smart to pack 2 outfits for the plane and 2 extra bottles w formula per baby just in case you get stuck in an airport for a while due to delays beyond your control. Extra diapers will never do you wrong.
⢠You have to disclose at the gate that you have formula with you and they will give an extra pat down and may test it. They don’t dip anything in, just hold a test strip over it. You’ll have to buy water once you’re through security.
⢠Give they a bottle or pacifier at take off and landing, sucking will help with the pressure in their ears.
Some of you have asked for my registry items in the past. As my babies were born just over a year ago, the registry isnât around anymore. However, I have seen some items stand the test of time and continue to show up in baby registries for friends/family.
My One of my favorite stroller brands is Peg-PĂŠrego. These items are high quality, made in Italy items. I have the âBook for Twoâ, which isnât made anymore. I love it though. Itâs a side-by-side double stroller with full canopy, mesh lining appears in the back when you recline the seat so the baby can benefit from a breeze on hot summer days. It handles like a dream and fits through most doorways. Lucky for me, I havenât yet met a doorway it doesnât fit through! Itâs also easy to fold up and put in the car. Enough about that, letâs get to the list of top baby registry essentials!
Top Baby Registry Essentials- for those that want the nitty gritty essentials, I marked the top essentials with a âď¸
âď¸â˘ Ergo baby carrier – after trial and error, this is the brand I wish I wouldâve gotten (*essential- I used mine so much)
âď¸â˘ Jumperoo – we got fischer price rainforest & skip hop explore & more. (*Essential)
âď¸â˘ High chair – the ikea high chairs are awesome! Convenient space savers, inexpensive, well made, and so so useful!! We used those and Graco. Go for simple because we also had the expensive Oribel which is at least $300 and I didnât really like it that much. Especially since it was so pricy. (*essential)
âď¸â˘ Fischer price sit me up (start when good neck control is present) I really like this chair. I thought it helped my babes improve their neck strength. (Maybe more of a bougie essential)
Sit me up chair
âď¸â˘ Bjorn baby bouncer – a life saver! (*essential, especially for Twins & multiples). Honestly I canât even tell you how much we used these. Baby Bjorn is such excellent quality too. The entire cloth seat is removable and washable. My kids, especially my son, LOVED the toy attachment too. Honestly, I donât think I couldâve showered as many times as I did without this thing. I would bring both babies in their Bjorn bouncers in the bathroom and shower with a side eye on them when it was just me. For Twins these are âď¸essential; honestly probably essential for singletons too.
Baby Bjorn bouncer seat Baby Bjorn Bouncer Seat
âď¸ â˘ Infant car seat -got Chicco (*essential)
âď¸â˘ Convertible car seat – got Graceo (this is for when they outgrow the infant seat. (*essential)
âď¸â˘ Stroller – we got Peg Perego, lots of people swear by BOB strollers. â˘City select has a baby jogger LUX double stroller that is pretty great and popular. (*essential) if you want to see strollers live and in person before you choose one, mask up and go to Buy Buy Baby. They will help you find a stroller you like.
âď¸â˘ Portable crib – got Halo. The designer had a child die from SIDS, and so designed this amazing portable sleep spot for your baby that wonât suffocate them. Itâs all breathable mesh đż đđźââď¸ (*essential for us -because we go away from the house overnight a lot) was great for the family lake house. Not essential if you donât really leave the house. But very useful even if you go somewhere for the day, as infant babies sleep a lot. I would use the portable cribs at my parentâs house and such. If you see yourself leaving the house for longer periods it may be something you want to have.
âď¸â˘ Bassinet – we like halo. We used halo bassinest. Itâs a safely separated double bassinet for Twins. They also make a bassinet for singletons. Bassinets are great for parents who donât have a crib in their bedroom. We have a separate nursery, so it was *essential for us to have a bassinet we could keep in our bedroom for the babes to sleep, especially the first few months. American Academy of Pediatrics actually recommends same bedroom for the first year, our nursery is close by the bedroom and I was waking up to every little movement. Figure out what can safely work for you. Please discuss with your (future) pediatrician if you arenât sure.
âď¸â˘ Crib – recommend a convertible crib so it can transition to toddler bed etc… (*essential). Remember to NEVER put ANYTHING in the crib with the baby during . No bumpers, no stuffed animals, no blankets, except for the halo sleep sacks that are secured in place. No pillows no nothing. If your baby is cold, use: thicker pajamas, turn the heat up or get a warmer halo sleep sack. This is NOT NEGOTIABLE. Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) is not a joke. Your baby isnât strong enough to move themselves away if they are suffocating. It can happen from ANY FOREIGN OBJECTS IN THE CRIB. Please donât become a devastating statistic. Do the safe thing recommend by the American Academy of Pediatrics, and please make your baby sleep solo.
Sleep under one year is always alone.
The ABCâs of Sleep for Babies
A – is Alone
B- is always on the back (until the child gets strong enough to flip themselves over. Itâs okay to leave them like that in the crib if they did it themselves) .
C – is always in crib
Hopefully that helps clear some of the sleep basics for babies. If you have any questions or comments on this, please let me know.
âď¸â˘ Halo sleep sacks- the ultimate safe sleep swaddler for your infant/baby. Helps them to feel comfortable, cozy, and is safe to sleep in! (*essential- especially when the baby is freshly home from the hospital.) we didnât really use them much after 6 months. Some parents swear by these throughout the first year and even the Merlin suits after that. If your baby has issues sleeping please look into those
âď¸â˘ Bath – we liked the fischer price 4-in-1 sling n seat tub until the babies could sit up &/or angel care bath support. (*essential)
âď¸â˘ Baby towels – hooded, & soft washcloths. I guess you donât really need to buy baby towels, but they make the baby towels and washcloths much softer. Deemed *essential.
âď¸â˘ Bath rinse cup – skip hop Moby bath rinse cup. I love my moby dick whale rinse cup! I suppose a person could use any big cup, but this one has a nice big handle, and a rubber part so you can rest the cup on your babyâs head while you pour so you donât get water in their eyes and nose. Itâs a seriously solid design. Deemed *essential.
âď¸â˘ My fav bottle – Philips Avent (*essential, lol) Philips Avent bottles are fairly easy to clean, especially compared to Dr. Brown bottles and come with anti-colic inserts that are supposed to help the baby ingest less air while sucking/eating. My daughter had major spit-up issues so we used the anti-colic inserts for her. Did they help? Perhaps. Itâs hard to say how much because she would still spit up, however, I donât regret using them.
Phillips Avent Bottle
âď¸â˘ Best bottle brush- Dr. Browns bottle brush (*essential) bottles should be cleaned separate from other food dishes. I even bought a collapsible tub from Amazon, and only allow my bottles to go in the tub versus the free-for-all sink
âď¸â˘ Nursing chair -get a comfy one! Most people get a glider or rocking chair. with twins, however, you canât tandem feed both babes, so some will use a lazy boy, I used a large over stuffed living room chair. (was *essential for me) I wanted a designated spot I could go to.
âď¸â˘ Nose Frida (nasal suction) the best! Make sure you get saline spray to use before you try the Nose Frida. It wonât work unless youâre able to loosen up the blockages with saline spray. (*essential)
âď¸â˘ Saline nasal spray. I like sterile saline mist by Little Remedies (*essential)
âď¸â˘ Baby nail clippers or just use nail files- hereâs some real life tips when using nail clippers on your baby⌠use small baby clippers, and donât try to clip the whole nail in one shot. Itâs super easy to cut their fingers. Take the clipper and do the right side, the left. Try not to go too deep. (*essential)
âď¸â˘ Cream for butts- Aquaphor & A&D are my favs and burts bees ointment is a close second (*essential because baby skin is so so fragile)
âď¸â˘ Childrenâs Tylenol (*essential)
âď¸â˘ Thermometers- we use Braun digital, and I got a digital forehead scanner. It can be tough to get a fussy babyâs ear temperature. (*essential)
âď¸â˘ Diaper genie- playtex – the plastic ones are easier to clean. The metal ones retain the smell despite cleaning. 𤢠(*essential)
âď¸â˘ Humidifier (for winter in cold climates) (*essential for cold climates). Babies can get very dry and blocked up in their nasal passages. Especially in the winter, itâs good to have a humidifier. Otherwise your kids will get these super hard bolder like blockages in their nose. It can take many many sprays of saline to loosen up. Iâm talking over a few hours, and can be very uncomfortable for the babe. Also, when their nose is blocked up, they canât drink their bottles very well. Do everyone a favor a make sure you humidify in the winter with distilled water. The humidifier instructions usually specify this. I can post the one I bought off Amazon if youâre interested. Let me know.
âď¸â˘ Burp clothes, bibs (get absorbent to save on outfit changes) , onesies, baby socks. (*essential)
âď¸â˘ Teethers – infantino carrot, nuby banana massaging toothbrush, comotomo (*essential) and unfortunately hard to know which one your baby will like. Itâs a trial and error thing
âď¸â˘ pacifier(s) – we like wubbanub
âď¸ â˘ sippy cup – munchkin 360
đżBougie Essentials – meaning, these were pretty great to have, you would probably be okay without it. More of a nice to have than a must have.
đżâ˘ Wubbanub pacifiers (deemed *essential, but bougie) You can get by without one, but theyâre just so cute!
âŹď¸ Wubanub Pacifiers
đżâ˘ Bottle drying rack – Boon, we got the double drying rack because twins. We still use the Boon to this day!
đżâ˘ Bumpo – multi seat (>3mo) can use this for some years into toddlerhood. Not necessarily essential to me. Itâs a nice to have, not a must have. Definitely cool though!! I donât regret buying ours.
đżâ˘Tummy time water mat, tummy time activity mat- we liked the tummy time water mat & the Caterpillar tummy time pillow by Infantino the âprop-a-pillarâ
Infantino Prop-A-Pillar for tummy time & seated support
đżâ˘ Baby activity mat
đżâ˘ Changing Pad – recommend tushie pads
đżâ˘ Baby hangers
⢠Baby wrap carrier – I had the moby wrap. Some women loves these so much. I like mine, but used my baby carrier significantly more. I felt like my baby could breathe easier and we both werenât as sweaty when our bodies werenât burrito wrapped right up against each other; especially since this was during a hot summer.
⢠Oogie Bear -nasal & ear cleaner (itâs an okay item to have, but actually probably not an essential)
⢠Boppy – we had the newborn lounger
*Boppy loungers were recalled, I believe because people were letting their babies sleep unattended which is a huge no no. So Iâm not sure these can be purchased anymore which is a shame because these were great after bottle time, especially with twins.
Newborn Boppy Lounger
⢠Best Booties – Zutano. The fleece booties are the best!
Happy 2025, Iâve been on a blogging hiatus for sometime and thought it time to post an update. Caleb and Chloe started kindergarten this fall. Itâs been tricky as Chloe is having trouble adjusting to her teacherâs style. She often tells me she is nervous to make red choices at school. Caleb is in a separate class and is doing well. He loves his teacher and school is going well. We are working hard on strengthening his hands writing muscles as fine motor tasks are difficult for him. We are also working on our feelings. Becoming more aware and trying to work to use calming down methods. Did anyone else with a kindergarten age kid have bathroom issues when school started? Iâm wondering if maybe they are having trouble asking in time as we have had some hiccups with regard to this. Chloe is taking Drama class this fall as well. Sheâs going to be a bat in the play and is excited for that,
Dan graduated from the CCS academy and is rotating shifts until end of October, then finds out what shift he will be on and what section. Heâs happy with where heâs at. Iâm working at the school still and coaching clients with issues affecting their mental health especially.
Itâs the tale end of summer here in the Midwest. Mornings start off upper 50s, low 60s, and the day drifts into the 80s. Iâm eagerly anticipating fall and looking forward to the crisp air. Hope all is well with you readers.
If you are looking for assistance with mental health, energy, fatigue, mom overwhelm, postpartum, stress with having multiples, sustainable habits, contact me TwinMomDiana for more information. We can create a plan for you and help you reach your goals.
I would help Moms all night! My passion lies in guiding Women & Moms through the tougher times in life. I specialize in Postpartum Moms, especially Moms of multiples and Women in their 30’s or so looking for the next step! I love what I do! Book a call with me if you could use my services.
Daily writing prompt
If you didn’t need sleep, what would you do with all the extra time?
I spend WAY too much time being crabby and grouchy.
Itâs not the mom I desire to be. Itâs not the ME, I desire to be!
I donât want to be a grouchy person in generalâŚ
This is one of the ways Iâm improving myself this year!
Keep my boundaries high as heck.
Being totally zen and chill with the power of âno.â
Iâm making self-care way more of a priority!
The top two things for me thing year are high as heck boundaries & rock solid self-care.
My toddler kids will benefit from me taking care of ME!!
When Mom can be a calm & chill leader, gently acknowledging my kidsâ feelings & redirecting them away from X, it is everything.
Kids grow up learning what is okay and what is not okay, and to also feel like, âMom can handle me when Iâm upset, itâs okay to feel my feelingsâ.
Toddlers donât have the skills to express their feelings verbally. They need to cry and act it out to feel the emotions because they donât know how else to communicate it.
Having a Mom or parent gently acknowledge their feelings while giving them boundaries and a couple choices of what IS okay, helps the child feel confident that someone else is in control.
Choices for kids also help them feel satisfied that they have some say in choosing things in their life with the options.
When I can be the calm, confident Mom that my kids need, the tantrums actually show up less.
Keeping those things in alignment with my values helps the rest fall into place. âşď¸
Are you feeling this shift too?
What are some of your favorite methods for self-care?
Self-Care is the only way we can really care. -tmd
Think about it. âŹď¸
Sometimes we have to grind through a hard period in life where we do the best we can as far as self care goes and thatâs all we can do. When my twin babies were born, I didnât get a good nights sleep until they hit the 9 month old mark. đ
We started sleep training around 6 months old, and after about 9 months old, I started to feel like a human again with the sleep partâŚ. Thatâs my piece on how I had to âgrind though itâ at that time.
It has taken me a while to figure out the essential self-care I need. It can be hard to find balance with your kids, work and/or responsibilities, your identity, and your self-care needs. Keep working though to get it.
You canât care for others if you donât feel taken care of.
Self-care tip: next time you take a shower or a bath, try to only think about how refreshing or comforting the water feels. And how nice the soap smells đ§ââď¸
These are some of the common themes that are strong for us Moms; especially exaggerated as of the last few years with the pandemic. Many Moms are battling these feelings dailyâŚ
It should not be called mom burnout, more like societal betrayal or maternal exhaustion.
I never really thought so in-depth into what calling these feelings âburnoutâ really does. After learning more about this term even as we better word what was formally known as âburnoutâ for nurses and doctors, now better termed âmoral injuryâ. After reading articles & discussing with other people, I now realize that using this word for moms is totally wrong too.
The term âburnoutâ places the blame & responsibility on the person, telling Moms that they arenât enough in some way; not resilient enough, etc⌠some psychiatrists are calling these feelings for Moms âsocietal betrayalâ. Words matter. What we tell ourselves matters. Calling this societal betrayal instead of âmom burnoutâ takes the blame off Mom and puts it on the broken systems around us. Some are calling it âmaternal exhaustionâ. Either way, calling this âMom burnoutâ doesnât capture this properly as it places the blame on the Mom, intentionally or not.
Especially during this pandemic, working Moms have had to make really tough decisions. Send my kid to daycare/school and risk exposure or call off work leaving your professional life to suffer. Sitting your child down in front of a tv or tablet screen so you can have some time to yourself. This is also a burden, that is more so unjustly put on Moms versus Dads. Not in all situations, but most. This also happens in same sex relationships. But, for those with male/female parents, this isnât right and shouldnât just automatically be placed on the female.
Moms right now are suffering greatly with regards to mental health. We Moms need to stop telling ourselves that we should be doing more. Sometimes good enough is the best you can do while still maintaining your sanity. Especially during the more challenging times.
Flashing back to Spring of 2020,
I delivered my premature twins at 33 weeks during an emergent c-section in mid March of 2020. This was literally just as the pandemic was blowing up in the Chicago area. Moments before I was wheeled into surgery the evening of March 14, 2020, the hospital changed their visitor policy, and my Mom was told to leave the hospital. Iâm so thankful I was able to have my spouse with me, because going through all that alone wouldâve been really hard. There are many Moms who have less than ideal birth stories made more challenging with our beloved Covid 19 pandemic.
Despite my request for extended leave from work, which is unpaid leave for US citizens, I was denied an extension and had to return back to work after 3 months. My babies were literally just one month adjusted when I went back to work full time in the hospital in June of 2020. During this time, I was so tired that I was basically delirious for months, literally. Totally delirious for most of 2020. And sadly, this is not uncommon for most Moms. There is not much room for career flexibility with regards to family life balance in the US. Unless you get luck with a foreign based company, youâre pretty much out of luck and have to hope that you have enough resources and/or support to make it through.
After their birth March 14, 2020, my kids were in the NICU for about one month. We had both babies home by mid April, and my husband was back at work full shortly after. Since I had a c section, I couldnât drive so I was dependent on him for rides to the hospital. We usually came in the afternoon because I would wait for him to get off work. When mid April came, both babies were home by the weekend & my husband was back to work on Monday working full days. No time off.
My mom was working from home (doing telehealth visits) during the pandemic and my grandma was able to help out with the babies during the day. Thank God. There were many many nights I didnât sleep at all. Because with two newborn babies, there is so much. And as my daughter had big spit up issues after eating, sometimes I would feed her three times in a row just so that she would digest something. She basically had to be held for several hours after feedings or she would spit most of it up.
Initially it was pretty much me and the two babes all night. I was exhausted, delirious, felt insane, felt sad, felt lonely etc⌠I had postpartum depression hard. I can recall one night, feeing psychotic from lack of sleep, that both babies were crying at the same time on purpose. I was losing it. During this time I had strong resentment built up for my spouse. Things got better when Dan and I (my husband) had a talk, and split the night up into shifts. I took the first 5 hours, and he took the last 5 hours until 6am. If you didnât get sleep during your shift, sometimes you didnât sleep at all. I donât know how I did all this and kept breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is so hard, but somehow I was able to make it to a year. I would never judge any Mom for deciding to stop breastfeeding as itâs truly difficult for myriad reasons. During all this I was working 12 hour shifts, so by the end of the week, I could barely speak English, seriously. I went back to work after 3 months when my twin babies were just one month adjusted [đą cue the scream sound effects]. The best thing I could do at that point in the week, was talk the least amount possible, especially when I was at work. I was so tired that it took too much brain power to form lucid and logical sentences for conversation sake at that point in the week.
I donât share this story because I think Iâm special, I share it because stories like this are all to common in this country. People in the Midwest are known for some good things. I used to think having a strong work ethic was purely positive. It certainly shows its ugly parts too when bosses and employers expect that people have no life outside of work. Yikes.
Hopefully things will get better for postpartum women in this country as going through this was absolute hell. I also worked as a nurse in surgical procedures, and staying late is common. When I would stay late at work and have to be up again at all hours, taking care of my babies at home it would literally mess me up for a straight week at least. Oi.
The concept of work life balance shouldnât be a nice to have, it should be essential. Especially if the individual doesnât want to pound away the hours at work. I stand with the community of women who want to take the time to focus on their growth as a first time mom, to be able to take the time to pump and breastfeed if they so choose, to be able to go home on time to spend time with their family. We shouldnât have to roll our eyes at a job that screams poor work/life balance. It should be a given. Also, itâs a pretty common theme that after the first couple weeks, many co-workers roll their eyes at your need to take time to pump for your baby/babies. Especially in the hospital where the work doesnât stop and nurses cover each other for breaks & lunch. I can recall feeling so stressed out some days that I hardly got any milk. Terrible way to exist.
With regards to expectations for ourselvesâŚ
Moms, please just throw the word âperfectâ right out the door, lock it once, then dead bolt it, and throw away the damn key. Throw it in the lake, the ocean, the forest. Lose it forever. Most times I hear that word I shutter on the inside. Itâs a word used way too often in conversation. Itâs a standard no one can fill or attempt to fill. Trying to reach perfection will drive a person nuts.
Ditch the notion that there is âone right choiceâ. If you find your mind focusing on trying to find the âone right choiceâ, see if you can stop yourself & say âthe story Iâm telling myself right now isâ (thanks @BreneBrown) that there is only one right choice. This is where mindfulness come in. Just because we have a thought, it doesnât necessarily mean we have to believe it or even give it the time of day. Instead, you can metaphorically step aside, and say âdoes this thought hold any merit or am I being too critical?â
We. Are. Not. Our. Thoughts.
Also, donât beat yourself up saying that you âshould be doing moreâ. I should have done more laundry, I should have decorated for Christmas already, I should have blah blah blah. This is setting yourself up for âshame talkâ shame talk only leads to feelings of anxiety and or depression. Feelings that we arenât doing enough and that we should have done more in someway. Instead, practice some self-compassion, and when you find yourself telling yourself that you shouldâve done x y or z, tell yourself âIâm shame talking myself, Iâm telling myself that there is one perfect way when that doesnât exist.â
Itâs hard for all of us, me included, but many days, we just have to say to ourselves âgood enoughâ and let it be.
A recent study demonstrated that there four main factors that greatly impact wellness for Moms.
Those are:
⢠satisfaction w friendships
⢠authenticity
⢠feeling seen and loved
⢠feeling comforted
Being a recovering âperfectionistâ myself, I had to throw that right out the window to maintain a healthy mindset. Itâs too much to try to reach this idea of âperfectionâ we have in our minds. The perfect outfit, the perfect post, the perfect family pictures, the perfect matching family outfits⌠Iâm not slamming any of these things per say, I am standing up against this idea that we have to be perfect in any way.
Donât forget to make time for yourself. Remind yourself perfection doesnât exist. One of the best things us Moms can do is to reach out to our community of mothers. Keep talking to other Moms. Keep reaching out. Keep the conversation going. Whether itâs an in person or online relationship, us Moms need all the support we can get.
I am here for you. Please reach out to me. Youâre not alone.
Itâs best to be open & honest with your kids. Keeping Anxiety/depression a âsecretâ will just make your kids think itâs their fault. Not having an ongoing convo can only hurt in the long run. If youâre having a bad day, be open with your kids. Tell them so they donât perceive your mood as their fault. Tell them, my anxiety is causing me to have a bad day today. This is a big part of why Mom needs to take care of herself too. They need to know this bad day has nothing to do with them.
Your family will not look like others and thatâs totally okay. Donât compare yourself to others or the illusion of perfection.
You are stronger than you know. Mom, youâve got this . Itâs not easy, you know that. You were chosen to be one of the strong ones. It can be discouraging to think that you have to work harder than others; donât let it get you down. You are used to having to work harder than most. This is one of your great strengths. Youâre an incredible Mama.
Good days donât mean that youâre cured. Enjoy the good days when they are here. Work for them. Do self care things that make you feel good. For me, when I exercise regularly, the endorphins give me a boost & help the good days stick around. Try your best & keep on truckinâ.
Asking for help is a sign of STRENGTH, not weakness. Mental health stuff or not, we all need help at times. You donât have to feel alone. Let people help you. Let them take the kids so you can do what you need.
Being a Mom can feel like a sick joke at times. When you & the kids are having a hard day, it can feel impossible. It can take so much energy just to get through the day. It can feel difficult to manage, & hard to know if you are making the right decision. Being open & honest with your kids, can help them know that Momâs struggles arenât about them. This may even help your child admit when they are struggling. It can help them to be more aware of their emotions. Having a convo about the challenges you feel can make it better for all.
Anxiety or not, you are still like other Moms. The kids come first. When Iâm having an off day, itâs pretty clear. Iâm usually not as talkative. Iâve started to say âIâm not myself todayâ. This helps me put it out there in a causal way if someone is trying to engage with me & Iâm having trouble locking into the convo.
I meant to write a lovely post right as my sweet babes turned one, but I put it off, and life got busy! Next thing I know, here we are at 18 months, and itâs time to recognize another milestone.
My cute daughter, ChloeMy sweet son, Caleb
Getting through the first year as a Mom is rough. Not that Iâm in anyway regretting any part of motherhood, itâs just that going from myself (as an individual adult female) to carrying, and being a vessel of growth for my boy/girl twins, to being a twin mom, and a first time mom all at once, was a lot. So much once! From physical changes, to identity transitions, to being deliriously sleep deprived & not knowing if it was day or night, to sleep training and actually getting some time to myself. Wow, what a year!
Thereâs the adjustment after pregnancy, taking care of two babies, and almost literally being a single entity with your newly born kiddos. There is much during that first year, with building supply up, frequent feedings, and extended fatigue from the multitude of late night feedings. In addition to being the main caretaker for your infants, you experience an extreme drop in hormones, have to adjust to the role of being a Mom (or Dad), and have to deal with an unbelievable amount of changes to your body. Not that I donât count my blessings as a mother, but this is a truckload of stuff that comes to you all at once. Itâs tough to transition while completely sleep deprived, hoping that youâre doing the right things.
Caring for Twins is no easy feat either, even harder if you decide to pursue breastfeeding. No judgement for those that donât breastfeed. That alone is a whole other thing. At the end of the day, fed is best. No mother should ever think any less of themselves for not breastfeeding. Not every women has success with this for a multitude of very good reasons.
Caleb & Chloe, as you grew and progressed to moving around more on your own, and entered toddlerhood, I entered a different stage of my own as your Mom. You were on the path to breaking away from the single entity I saw us as initially, and getting more in alignment with being your own individual self. Itâs really something to watch; so amazing and beautiful đ how babies/people grow and progress through some major cycles of human development, such as:)
⢠Growth spirts,
⢠changes in appetite,
⢠adjusting sleep patterns,
⢠changing nutrition,
⢠physical growth,
â˘speech and communication growth
⢠emoting – as toddlers do – without the use of the more advanced neurological function of our prefrontal cortex, especially when it comes to social behaviors, aka toddlers having tantrums around people.
I am so proud and happy to be your Mommy. I am thankful everyday we all are healthy and well. What an amazing journey this has been to 18 months of life for you! I was so emotional, sentimental, excited, and thrilled for your first birthday. It was so big for not only you, but me as well. I had made it to a year of motherhood, and twin motherhood at that. Itâs a role that I have been surprised by, tired for, excited for, & overjoyed for. I have also felt so much love, pure exhaustion, physical pain , mental anguish, pure joy, & love Love LOVE.
That âŹď¸ love had to be said 3 times at minimum because that is how big the love is and needs to be for all the work it takes to be a mom. Putting aside yourself (to a point), putting aside your comfort (but not sacrificing yourself like a martyr), and really learning the pure contentment you can feel from feeling like you are giving someone else the best version of yourself. Actually, to really provide the best version of yourself, self-care is mandatory, so in essence âsacrificing yourself like a martyrâ is really sort of self sabotaging and a defeating act. No one can function their best, and be the best parent they can be when they donât get a break to refresh their spirit. That part is mandatory so that a person can fill from an full, not empty, cup.
I wrote a letter to my toddlers and want very much to share this with you all. To be it embodies many of the emotions felt as a Mom and parent when transitioning to toddlerhood, especially as a first timer. The following is the letter belowâŚ
An open letter to my young toddlers,
Caleb & Chloe, as your Mother, as the mother of two toddlers, I am working on myself to support you emotionally in the way that you, as toddlers, require. Iâm working to understand and spread awareness that you easily get upset and may have a tantrum because you havenât developed the emotional capacity to regulate how you feel. Youâre not a rude or disobedient kid because you donât want to say âhelloâ or âbyeâ to someone. As your mother, I need to honor that you might not be ready to do so, and give you room to grow into this in your own time. You arenât responsible for how I, or any other adult feels. You arenât here to entertain me or anyone with âthat cute thing you did yesterdayâ if you arenât really to repeat it. As your mother, I hope to protect you from feeling any unnecessary responsibility for toxic people pleasing. As you are my first babies, I am learning too. However, Iâm doing my homework to learn how to be the best Mother and advocate for you and hope to help you grow healthy emotional releases and to acknowledge the struggle of being a toddler. Having said that, I also need to practice this same grace with myself. How can you learn self-compassion if I donât practice it with myself? I promise to strive to fill up my self-care cup; in proper balance with meeting your needs as well. We will both have good days and bad days!! Hopefully through love and striving to understand, we can grow at a healthy pace together!! I love you both so much, and am so proud of you both.
Love,
Mom
I have been taking a personal break from too much social media posting to focus on the real things in my life. It has been a nice break, and has allowed me to be more present in everyday life. I do, however, miss interacting with all of you! So Iâm easing myself back into the sport of more regular posts.
My sweet baby Chloe, you started cruising all over the house on your two feet this past Sunday, Sept 26. You were sooo excited and proud! And I as your mama was beaming with joy!! Youâre such a wonderful girl and had an amazing shining moment! Actually, it was more like the whole day as it continued on at Uncle Mikeâs house before dinner.
I love you so much sweet girl. This post is all for you.
@TwinMomDiana 